A brief comment on IHOP/IHOb

Hello all.  It's been awhile.  Apologies for the light posting, I was in a brief multi-year coma.  It's unclear why, but it's probably not connected to red meat consumption, because no research I've ever read has shown consuming red meat to be bad, and please stop sending me that research because I'm never going to read it.

But I had to give an update, because it came out today that the famous International House of Pancakes, or IHOP, has rebranded itself as the International House of Burgers, or IHOb.  The acronym was released before the name, and many people thought that IHOP was rebranding itself as the International House of Breakfast. That would have made sense; much of IHOP's menu was omellettes, waffles, and various non-pancake breakfast foods.  A name chance to show this inclusiveness might have been warranted.

There are also burgers on the IHOP/IHOb menu.  Calling it International House of Burgers is stupid.

Reader, there was a period in my life when I ate at IHOP every day.  Not really every day.  Not even every weekday.  Probably 3 days a week, with the occasional weekend visit (it was the closest restaurant to my workplace and the refrigeration situation at said workplace was questionable).  That's still a lot of IHOP visits, more than you've made at any period in your life unless you were one of my coworkers that particular summer (it was a great summer, wasn't it guys!)

We ate at IHOP almost every day.  I never once at a burger.  I might not be the the only authority on hamburgers, but I'm the only one who blogs at this particular blog, and even I, eating at IHOP nigh daily, never wanted to try the burger.

My comment to you the reader: It's a pancake place.  You eat pancakes, maybe with syrup, maybe with a cup of coffee.  Don't get the burger.

My comment to the CEO and board of directors of the International House of Pancakes: I'll accept an apology in writing.

Fitz's Bar and Grille, Eagan, MN

A number of years ago I made plans to meet a friend for dinner.  I'm fairly certain it was on December 31.  I arrived a bit late, and found my friend waiting in the front of the restaurant.  He started to tell me that he had been there for some time, but they weren't seating him, and no one had even acknowledged his presence before I walked in.  This, despite the fact that waitstaff had been back and forth through the waiting area.  I made fun of him (we were seated pretty soon after I got there), and told him not to be so annoyed by it, they seated us eventually and the food was pretty good.  Why the big deal over the long seating time?  For that, I got my karmic retribution at Fitz's in Eagan, MN.

Some restaurants offer to seat you, and others expect/invite you to find a seat for yourself.  Some have a helpful sign posted denoting which seating theory they adhere to.  All of these thoughts went through my head recently when I went to Fitz' Bar and Grille and was neither given a table to sit at nor invited to find a seat for myself.  Fitz's is, as the name implies, a bar.  It's connected to a bowling alley, and there is some sports paraphernalia decorating it.  When I was there, there were a few games on, most notable a baseball game in which UConn was losing to South Carolina (or North Carolina, it was hard to tell from a distance.) 

This entire time I was standing near the entrance waiting for some sort of a signal from the staff as to what to do next.  I didn't want to just sit down, that would be rude.  The waitstaff, on one or two occasions, looked directly at me from across the restaurant, and did nothing.  There was absolutely no indication of what the seating policy was, you just had to know from prior experience.  Some places ask at the outset of the meal "Have you eaten with us before?"  Maybe the staff at Fitz's was thinking it.

It's not like I was waiting a particularly long time, it's just that any amount of time spent in meal limbo feels like a long time.  A few people in a far corner were playing pool, though, which added a nice, almost festive atmosphere to the establishment.  The roll of a cueball and its sound hitting the numbered balls can make a nice backdrop to an evening.

I left after 10 minutes.

I have no intention of going back to Fitz's.

R.I.P. @Burger

I don't know how well it came through in my review, but I was pretty fond of @Burger, on Liberty near State in Ann Arbor.  I was a bit saddened to learn that @Burger, famous as the restaurant you couldn't google, will be shutting its doors.  I hope you had a chance to go there in the past year, it was an ok place to get a bite to eat.

(Hattip to Wally for the link).

Costello's Bar and Grille, St. Paul

Not too long ago, I decided to explore the twin cities.  This led to me spending over two hours lost in western St. Paul.  Once I managed to become unlost (the secret: figuring out I had actually been in eastern St. Paul the whole time), I realized I was hungry, so I stopped at the first place I saw that looked like it sold burgers.  That place was Costello's Bar and Grille.

The non-descript menu was a harbinger of things to come.

Considering it was mid-afternoon on a relatively sunny day, Costello's was dark.  The doorways were open, even though it was a bit cool out (there aren't many sunny yet cool days in the summer, they're worth enjoying).  It had a loose Irish theme (I'm always a fan of that).  The bar was relatively well populated, the rest of the restaurant was nearly deserted.  There was either a bird inside the bar, or someone at the bar was repeatedly making bird noises; either way, it was disconcerting, and I give Costello's bad marks for neither putting a stop to it nor even acknowledging that there was a problem.  There was a significant amount of sports memorabilia on the walls, and more than a little alcohol advertising, particularly for Crown Royal.

As a serial user of Crown Royal bags, this was a comforting sight (the flags were just paper, not real bags).

My waitress wore a shirt which read (and I believe I copied this verbatim): "The Bible talks about St. Paul, but it doesn't mention Minneapolis."  Still relatively new in the area, I find clear and obvious markers of local sentiment like this very helpful.  I found it a bit odd, though it took me awhile to notice this, that there were no place settings at the table.  Instead, napkins and utensils were kept off to the side of the table, and I was (apparently) expected to set my own place with whatever I needed. 

You can see the utensils in a glass mug next to the napkins.

This seems like a really good idea: I only used the pieces I actually needed, which saves everyone the cost of having to rewash and reset unused utensils, and if something happened and I needed a spare fork, it was really convenient to get one.  That said, it still kind of threw me for a loop when I figured out that that was the system.

The burger was slightly overdone, and in places the bun was downright burnt.  It didn't taste bad, but it did taste generic; there was little character to the burger.  It wasn't very filling, either.

The fries were fairly standard, square cut with some potato and some oil.  They were salty, and a bit reminiscent of deli fries.

I can't say a lot about Costello's that's negative, I just can't say a whole lot that's positive.  It was a fine burger oasis in a new city, but I imagine that if I had driven another block, I could have found somewhere better.

To get a sense of how unimportant the Irish theme is to this bar, note that this is the only photograph in which there's a shamrock.

O'Gara's Bar and Grill, Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport

Some time ago (specifically, just before Easter, with my apologies for the delay), I found myself in the Minneapolis Airport, somewhat hungry but without time to explore eating options outside of the Airport.  Two places looked promising: one turned out to be overpriced, the other was O'Gara's.

The O'Gara's Menu, which I only now realize is supposed to look like a glass of Guinness against a background of another, much bigger glass of Guinness. 

I'm generally a big fan of Irish-style pubs, as long as they serve burgers.  O'Gara's is located at the far end of Terminal F, and there wasn't any sort of wait when I got there (2:00 in the afternoon local time isn't exactly prime eating or prime drinking hours).  Despite (or, more likely, because of) the fact that it was relatively empty, noise and conversation from the bar carried really far.  I quickly noticed some ceiling fans over the bar, controlled by some sort of bizarre double belt contraption.

It's a fan, it's in constant motion.  If you had tried, you wouldn't have been able to take a good picture either.  You can kind of make out the fan belt.

The floor was designed to look like bricks and pavers, while the rest of the of the airport was carpeted.  The whole interior was darker than the surrounding area, which is par for the course for a lot of bars, but it's really noticeable when the rest of the very well lit airport was clearly visible.  The interior wasn't completely old-time themed, there were plasma screens showing the news.  The O'Gara Family Crest was displayed on one wall.

 You can't read it from this angle, but the motto at the bottom is "Fortiter et Fideliter," which google translates to "Boldly and Faithfully."

The wait for food was a bit longer than I would have expected, especially during non-peak hours.  It had a soft bun, which was very slightly toasted, and the patty was a bit larger than the bun.  It had a meaty taste, and it was served hot, but not overdone.  After what had been already, by mid-afternoon, a very long day, it was a filling burger. 

The fries were pretty standard pub fries, square cut with a bit of skin.  There was some potato flavor, without any oil flavor.

During my entire time there, the should-really-have-been-a-hit song "State of Massachusetts" by the Dropkick Murphys kept going through my head, on repeat.  The theme was laid on that heavily.  This is not a complaint.

Although the location is pretty far from anywhere you'd ever want to be (unless you have a flight leaving from the F terminal of MSP, in which case it's actually quite convenient), O'Gara's was a fine little meal in the middle of a long trip.  I would definitely consider it again next time I'm at the airport and hungry.

I didn't take a photo of the exterior.  I was fearful that if someone saw me taking too many pictures inside an airport terminal DHS might disappear me.

Burgers on TV

This is a bit off topic, and a bit late.  However, I believe it's still worth it.
The show Parks and Recreation may be and in fact probably is the best show currently on television.  This isn't news, and isn't burger related, so on its own it would not be blog worthy.  Last week's episode (the one that aired the night before Good Friday) had a burger related B-plot.  This isn't a B-plot where someone mentions or eats a hamburger; I wouldn't interrupt your internet surfing for that.  No, this is a plot driver by hamburgers.  Also, it's very, very funny.  Normally, I would recommend only watching this after you had watched all of season 1, then all of season 2, then all the episodes preceding this episode in season 3.  However, because Hulu only hosts episodes for 5 weeks, I recommend watching this now, while it's free. 

Link to the Hulu page here.

Five Guys, West Bloomfield

The Five Guys' Menu.  A certain food item is prominently featured.

Five Guys is a burger joint that's been operating in the Washington, D.C. area for many years.  According to their website, they began franchising nation-wide in 2003.  However, if you're anything like me, you first heard about them when the President ate there two years ago.

Not long after that, Five Guys began opening locations in Metro Detroit.  At that point, it was pretty clear that I would have to eat there eventually.

The interior of Five Guys.  A few visits and you'll figure out that no place in Idaho sounds real.

Two words come to mind when you see the interior of Five Guys: Red and White.  A third, equally accurate word would be hectic.  Lots of people go to Five Guys, and they tend to crowd around the front (though Five Guys has learned the 'separate entrance and exit doors' system).  Orders are placed up front, and then you get a number.  They call your number, and then you get your food.  But first, there's some waiting.

The interior, as mentioned before, is red and white.  It's not exactly designed to evoke the 50s diners, but it's not far off.  The seating area is pretty open, without booths, and consists entirely of wooden furniture and plastic tables.  Additionally, the walls are covered in testimonials, both professional and amateur, as to Five Guys' quality.  

The one in the foreground is from Detroit, but they display reviews from nationwide publications.

One note on both the menu and the decor: both are very peanut-heavy.  There are a few signs pronouncing free peanuts while you wait for your order.  This isn't something you ask for, there are just shipping boxes of peanuts near the counter, and you help yourself.  Additionally, the french fries are fried in peanut oil.  For some people, these amenities might be a great draw.  For the peanut-allergic, they can inspire a bit of reticence.  Not enough, though, to keep them (which is to say, us) from the burger.

Burgers come wrapped in aluminum foil, whether you're dining in or carrying out.  The burger consists of two small patties on a soft, warm bun.  The bun has some sesame seeds, but those don't really serve much purpose.  Despite the burger's smallish appearance, it's very filling, though not exactly flavorful.  The burger isn't exactly greasy, but it isn't exactly not-greasy.   

Unfortunately, I was not able to try the fries.  As mentioned above, they're fried in peanut oil, which, based on reports I've heard, make them extra-delicious, but which I've decided make them not-worth-the-risk.  

Five Guys is a cheap burger.  A quote on the wall from GQ magazine acknowledges this, and even celebrates it.  It's not exactly fast, and there isn't any sort of a fun theme, but for what it is, Five Guys is a fine meal.

This picture tells you a lot about Five Guys, if you stare at it long enough.  You can't prove that this picture is filler!