Burgers on TV

This is a bit off topic, and a bit late.  However, I believe it's still worth it.
The show Parks and Recreation may be and in fact probably is the best show currently on television.  This isn't news, and isn't burger related, so on its own it would not be blog worthy.  Last week's episode (the one that aired the night before Good Friday) had a burger related B-plot.  This isn't a B-plot where someone mentions or eats a hamburger; I wouldn't interrupt your internet surfing for that.  No, this is a plot driver by hamburgers.  Also, it's very, very funny.  Normally, I would recommend only watching this after you had watched all of season 1, then all of season 2, then all the episodes preceding this episode in season 3.  However, because Hulu only hosts episodes for 5 weeks, I recommend watching this now, while it's free. 

Link to the Hulu page here.

Five Guys, West Bloomfield

The Five Guys' Menu.  A certain food item is prominently featured.

Five Guys is a burger joint that's been operating in the Washington, D.C. area for many years.  According to their website, they began franchising nation-wide in 2003.  However, if you're anything like me, you first heard about them when the President ate there two years ago.

Not long after that, Five Guys began opening locations in Metro Detroit.  At that point, it was pretty clear that I would have to eat there eventually.

The interior of Five Guys.  A few visits and you'll figure out that no place in Idaho sounds real.

Two words come to mind when you see the interior of Five Guys: Red and White.  A third, equally accurate word would be hectic.  Lots of people go to Five Guys, and they tend to crowd around the front (though Five Guys has learned the 'separate entrance and exit doors' system).  Orders are placed up front, and then you get a number.  They call your number, and then you get your food.  But first, there's some waiting.

The interior, as mentioned before, is red and white.  It's not exactly designed to evoke the 50s diners, but it's not far off.  The seating area is pretty open, without booths, and consists entirely of wooden furniture and plastic tables.  Additionally, the walls are covered in testimonials, both professional and amateur, as to Five Guys' quality.  

The one in the foreground is from Detroit, but they display reviews from nationwide publications.

One note on both the menu and the decor: both are very peanut-heavy.  There are a few signs pronouncing free peanuts while you wait for your order.  This isn't something you ask for, there are just shipping boxes of peanuts near the counter, and you help yourself.  Additionally, the french fries are fried in peanut oil.  For some people, these amenities might be a great draw.  For the peanut-allergic, they can inspire a bit of reticence.  Not enough, though, to keep them (which is to say, us) from the burger.

Burgers come wrapped in aluminum foil, whether you're dining in or carrying out.  The burger consists of two small patties on a soft, warm bun.  The bun has some sesame seeds, but those don't really serve much purpose.  Despite the burger's smallish appearance, it's very filling, though not exactly flavorful.  The burger isn't exactly greasy, but it isn't exactly not-greasy.   

Unfortunately, I was not able to try the fries.  As mentioned above, they're fried in peanut oil, which, based on reports I've heard, make them extra-delicious, but which I've decided make them not-worth-the-risk.  

Five Guys is a cheap burger.  A quote on the wall from GQ magazine acknowledges this, and even celebrates it.  It's not exactly fast, and there isn't any sort of a fun theme, but for what it is, Five Guys is a fine meal.

This picture tells you a lot about Five Guys, if you stare at it long enough.  You can't prove that this picture is filler!

@Burger, Ann Arbor

@Burger

Someday, I'll tell the story of why I will never eat a hamburger at Big Boy again.  Today is not that day.  But Big Boy may have redeemed itself through a new, theoretically related* venture, @Burger (pronounced 'atburger').

The menu.  If you can't tell from the picture, those are flatscreen tvs.

When you walk in the door at @Burger, everything feels really futuristic.  There are a lot of flatscreen tvs, and while some of them are just playing sports, others are used to display the menu.  Maybe this doesn't sound all that futuristic, but the menu is presented with a certain nonchalance, as though they expect that you refer to a digital display every time you eat.  Orders are placed up front, and then you are given a small radio device to take to their table.  Later, a waitress will use your radio device to track you down and deliver your order.  Even the analog displays had a clean, minimalistic, futuristic feel.

In this case, 'analog' means 'folded t-shirts.'

The main dining area was a bit more standard, with regular tables, high tables, and booths.  None of the furniture was particularly remarkable.  On the wall there were a few phrases written in metal letters (I failed to record them, but one attempted to be either witty or profound (it wasn't clear which), and another just let the customer know that he or she could buy a t-shirt).  The music was very, very loud, and between its poppiness and the fact that I recognized two of the songs, I assume it was just Top 40.  As intrusive as it was, the music wasn't so loud that it drowned out conversation.  Despite the fact that I was there at the dinner hour, @Burger was not particularly full. 

The burger was pretty cheap.  Apparently there is an early bird special, but not so early that you can't get it after 5.  The bun was heavily toasted.  The burger itself was pretty hearty, which is good, because it was a bit small (7oz. is their largest size).  It wasn't incredibly juicy, but it wasn't dry.  There was a bit of flavor to it, almost like barbecue, but it was probably just residual grill flavor.  

The fries had a great deal of potato flavor, and some skin.  The fries were also really plentiful, and delicious.  

My dinner companion, Jen, recommended against the signature burger (it's just called the @Burger).  She said that the toppings were all exactly what she wanted, but that the quantities were too great, making the burger unmanageable.

One final note on the exit from @Burger.  Because you place your order up front, like a fast food restaurant, you expect to bus your own table.  At least, I expected to bus my own table.  This is not the process, but the only way to figure that out is to wander around looking for a place to leave the basket your food comes in until someone tells you to just leave it on the table.  This is sort of a bug in the restaurant design.

However, that flaw aside, @Burger was a fine eatery.  I would highly recommend it in the future.  It was so good, I might even give Big Boy a second chance.

This has nothing to do with the burger, it's just a guy I saw on the way to the restaurant.  I really wanted to share the photo, though.

*Or so legend has it.  Nothing at @Burger's location or on its website draws a connection with Big Boy, but reports place it within the Big Boy chain.  I'm willing to forgive Big Boy based on legend alone.

Ram's Horn, Southfield

The Ram's Horn Menu

I went to the Ram's Horn in Southfield a little while ago.  I was seated in a booth away from the other patrons, for reasons I didn't fully understand.  Ram's Horn was not particularly busy that night, though the table closest to me (which was about a third of the restaurant away) was loud enough to be a bit disruptive.  Very quickly, and without any unnecessary fussing, my order was taken, and I had some time to look around.

The first thing I noticed about the interior decor was that there were a lot of Red, White and Blue decorations hanging from the ceiling.  The second think I noticed about the decor was that there were a number of pictures of diners on the walls.  The third thing I noticed was that there was a bizarrely festive pattern on all of the seats, a pattern whose dominant color was dark green (like the menus, and the many plants hanging from the ceiling).

This is already too much excitement for what was supposed to be a relaxing meal

The fourth interior design choice I noticed was the many pastel colored paper flowers and butterflies hanging.  I think I would advise Ram's Horn to stick to just one design scheme.  I sort of got the sense that they had to put a lot of effort into looking festive, so that you wouldn't notice how unfestive an establishment it was.

The burger was too big for its bun (which, I must say, was expertly toasted).  As you might be able to tell from the photo, it was very charred.  The burger had clearly been heavily grilled.  The patty was thin, but satisfying, with lots of little black charred bits falling off of it.

The fries were pretty standard issue.  They tasted kind of like a potato, though they were frankly a bit oily.  Unremarkable.

All in all, it was a somewhat filling meal at a reasonable price.  If tacky decor offends you, I'd stay away.  Otherwise, Ram's Horn is nothing special, with all the positive and negative that suggests.

I took this picture from my car, and when I took it, the song "From That Day On..." by Nobuo Uematsu came on.  It felt very apt. 

Leo's Coney Island, Birmingham

I ate dinner at Leo's Coney Island in Birmingham not too long ago.  I've reviewed Coney Island restaurants before, and the rule remains: above all, remember that this is a Coney Island.

The Leo's Coney Island Menu.

Leo's was pretty empty and very quiet when I arrived (early evening).  There were a number of TV screens, all seemingly tuned to CNN for some reason.  You could even hear the CNN, faintly, over the waitresses gossiping.  

The walls were painted with a number of murals depicting Greek locations on the walls, labeled 'Akropolis,' 'Olympia,' and 'Salonika.'  There was also an "Athens 2004" emblem to commemorate the 2004 Olympics.  There was also a mural of a location I'd never heard of, 'Nafpaktos.'

I've never heard of Nafpaktos, but I'm guessing it's a port city.

 The seats and tables were very much plastic (sort of a Coney Island standard style).  I can't say that it was clean, but it had a very clean feeling.  There was a sign out front that proclaimed, very prominently, that it's open 24/7.

The burger patty was very wide, but very thin.  It sort of tasted like meat (not beef, generic meat) infused with cardboard.  The bun is pretty generic, with maybe, maybe, a bit of an eggy taste.  There was a lot of bun, too much bun for the amount of burger.  That said, the bun and the burger, with a bit of ketchup, worked well together.

The fries were square cut (as you can see in the photo), with no appreciable potato skin, and little potato flavor.  There wasn't much taste to them at all, except for a small oil flavor.

Despite (or perhaps because of) the lack of flavor in both the fries and the burger, there really wasn't enough of either.  That said, the price was right, with dinner not running much over $5.

Leo's isn't a place I'd go to for flavor, as it really has very little to offer.  However, it's a fine place for a bite between other meals, and a fine place to sit for an evening.  I highly recommend it.

Leo's Coney Island.

The Blue Tractor BBQ & Brewery, Ann Arbor

The Blue Tractor Menu.  I bet the guy who came up with the 'tractor that looks like blue utensils' thinks he's pretty sharp.

I went to the Blue Tractor is one of a few breweries around Ann Arbor.  My previous brewery experiences having been pretty good, so I had high hopes for the Blue Tractor.

The walls were made of large wooden beams.  They were pretty much untreated, they were just cut to be square.  It added an almost rustic feel to a place that otherwise wouldn't have any.

 A shot of the Blue Tractor Interior.  It was really dark, and I worried that the flash would bother people (the woman on the far left looks like she was bothered anyway).

The Blue Tractor's interior decorations featured some rusted tractor parts.  There were also some artsy black and white photos of tractors on the walls.  This level of tractor dedication was a bit surprising, but I suppose if there was any restaurant in which I expected to see ex-tractors, it was a tractor themed one.  Interestingly, the tractor parts came in all the primary colors except blue.

It was kind of dark, though not so dark that it impaired the experience.  It was also a lot quieter than I would expect for a bar, though I suppose I was eating dinner really early.  Given all of the lumber and tractors, I thought that the chairs and tables were conspicuously modern, as though they could only take the themes so far.

The Burger was, frankly, overcooked.  It was dry, and it lost some flavor in the overcooking.  The bun was just a straight, white, slightly toasted bun.  The burger was better after I put some ketchup on it, but not a lot.  As far as I could tell, it wasn't seasoned at all.

The waitress actually asked how I wanted my burger, and I said medium, which is why I was so bothered when it was overdone.  Additionally, she specifically asked me if I wanted sweet potato fries, and I clearly said 'no,' which is why I was so bothered when I got sweet potato fries, instead of fries made from regular potatoes. 

The sweet potato fries weren't bad, most of the time.  There was some nice flavor, and the sweet potato was pretty smooth.  They had an unpleasant aftertaste, though, sort of an oily taste.  They also had some weird seasoning that hits you all at once.  It tasted sort of like a mouthful of bad parsley, which is something I don't want at burger time (or, I suppose, ever).  The quality of the fry was inversely proportional to how much surface are they had, which is why it sort of sucks that they were ruffle cut for extra surface area. 

My friend Claire, who joined me for dinner, made me promise to note that they had Coke products, not Pepsi, and now I have.  

Frankly, between the bad service and ungood food, I don't think I'll be back to the Blue Tractor.  I saw someone else who ordered the barbecue, and it didn't look too bad.  If I ever find myself there again, I guess I could try the ribs.  But I'm going to endeavor not to find myself in that situation.

The Blue Tractor BBQ and Brewery.

Vinnie's Stock Pot, Bay City

I spent a significant portion of this past spring living in Bay City, Michigan.  While I was there, I spent a great deal of time at Vinnie's Stock Pot, a place where everyone knows your name.  Maybe not your name, but they certainly knew my name by the time I left.

The Stock Pot's Interior.

Of the many diners I've been in, the Stock Pot was the second most diner-y.  Besides the tables, chairs, benches and coat rack, many of decorations were very reminiscent of the 50's and 60's, or some other decade that can be accurately called ancient history.

This picture was taken in a mirror.  Read the sign backwards, and it says "Route 66," which you may have learned about in a 90's jeans commercial.

The Stock Pot delivered a good, hot burger.  There was no extraneous tastes to it, just straight, grilled beef.  It's a hefty burger to eat at lunch (as I was doing), but it definitely keeps you full all afternoon.  The meat retains the heat from the grill well, for lunch which was probably a nice warm-up in winter, but which is a bit much for early summer.  This didn't stop me from eating it, it just meant I was quite hot at the end.

The bun was toasted, but still soft.  It was moist enough to not crumble, but not so moist that it took away from the burger experience (a wet burger can be unpleasant).

The fries, like the burger, were delivered hot from the kitchen.  They were simple square cut fries, with a lot of surface area, but  also a lot of potato at the center.  The surface was fairly well done, and there generally was not much to the fries besides simple fry taste.

I also have to mention the price: a half pound burger was just under $4, and the fries were not much on top of that.  A very reasonable price for a meal that doesn't leave you hungry later.

I honestly can't say enough nice things about the Stock Pot's wait staff.  The burger wasn't exactly special, but it was cheap, and it was filling.  I don't know how often I'll be back in Bay City, but I know that I'll stop by Vinnie's every time.

Vinnie's Stock Pot